Alternate Counterparts Aren't That Great
by DJSLASH571
Summary: Based on Canadian comedian Jon Lajore's sketch 'Dating Service Commercial' When the Justice League experiment with alternate universes, Ryu agrees to meet and alternate version of his mother Harley Quinn from the New 52 universe. Both Harley and Ryu tell their story through interviews, A one chapter short set in my Stole You From Me universe,


The Justice League monitored Batman as he walked to the main stand. Batman had been the only member to disagree with the experiment, so there was uneasy feeling towards him.

"The experiment has been completed, I have here on a DVD the results of the interviews" he said.

"And how did the interviews go?" Wonder Woman asked.

"I don't know, I've been busy with affairs in Gotham so I had Tim put together the recordings." Batman entered the DVD into the drive and started it.

**Interviewer:** So how did you feel about the idea?

**Harley:** I was interested to see what my kids might look like, so I couldn't refuse the offer.

**Ryu:** I was skeptical, I found it hard to believe there was an alternative to my mother.

**Interviewer:** So tell me how your night went.

**Harley:** From the moment I met Ryu, I knew he was the...biggest asshole. He was shallow, unattractive, arrogant, I could make a full list.

**Ryu:** I couldn't stand her, she was annoying, self centered, boring. I want to say she looked whorey, is that a word?

**Harley:** My boyfriend Deadshot who was the best shot in the world, he's dead now but he would have hated him.

**Ryu:** She kept going on and on about how her dead boyfriend was the best shot in the world or something. And It's like, who gives a shit?

**Harley:** He even got angry because I heard about some Batman cartoon show or something?

**Ryu:** Ok, I understand if you've never seen Batman: The Animated Series, I get it. But you've never even heard of it?

**Harley:** He's the second worst person I've ever met in my life.

**Ryu:** Why would someone pretend to not know what Batman The Animated Series is? C_ause their fucking crazy..._

**Harley:** I couldn't take it anymore, so I just kept ordering drink, after drink, after drink...

**Ryu:** I just kept pretending to go to the bathroom, but I was actually downing shots at the bar with Two-Face.

**Harley:** I got so drunk that night.

**Ryu:** Half way through I was Superman wasted.

**Harley:** And unfortunately when I get drunk, I get...violent.

**Ryu:** She ended up challenging me to a match, and I accepted.

**Harley:** I should have just gone to the punching bag in my hideout, but he was there and I hadn't beaten someone up in a while.

**Ryu:** I only ever fight challengers I like or respect, but the alcohol helped me overlook everything I hated about her which was...everything. So we ended up going back to her place to fight, and I think I was a tough challenge.

**Harley:** The fight was a joke. Not only did it look like he was going to go down on me at one point, but he even tried to fire this blue energy thing and instead it went straight through my floor.

**Ryu:** Even though I was drunk, I was still able to fire a full, powerful hadouken...I think.

**Harley:** We just gave up in the end and talked about his version of me.

**Ryu:** I think the alcohol ended up making us think that we were mother and son, so we ended up snuggling on the couch together like I do with my mother.

**Harley:** The next morning I just felt so guilty, thinking about my beautiful boyfriend up in heaven just shaking his head in disappointment.

**Ryu:** I didn't even look at her, I just shoved her off gently so I didn't wake her, got my bag and got the hell out of that crazy bitches hideout. What a nightmare!"

**Interviewer:** So would you like to have her as your mother?

**Ryu:** Oh god no!

**Interview: **Would you like to have Ryu as your own child?

**Harley:** Never

The tape ended and Batman took his seat. Normally this would be the part in which they would discuss the results of the experiment, but none of them were certain if there was anything to discuss. The members of the Justice League stayed silent for what seemed to be the first time ever.

The Joker sat on the couch and sighed, tired from the long day he had.

"So how was your alternate self puddin'?" Harley asked him. "Ryu said alternate me wasn't the best person to be around."

"I don't wanna talk about it" he murmured

"That bad puddin'?"

"He had dreadlocks Harley..." The Joker sighed. "Lets just leave it at that"


End file.
